Wednesday, July 19, 2006

random thoughts

I'm away in Gaylord Michigan at Treetops at the Michigan Smokefree Environments conference. I am supposed to get my shot tomorrow morning, but am waiting until friday afternoon when i get home. Carrie is doing my shots. I have a major phobia of needles..shots..blood ect. Sometimes it amazes me that I am so interested in health related work. Anyone who knows me might find this to be strange with my history of injury and love of tattoos ect. But those are much different me. I do hope to be able to get to the place where I can self-inject if need be. It is frusterating to be dependent on others (even though i like when Carrie gives me a shot. It is our little ritual, and helps her feel part of my transition, which I also enjoy)

It's officially been three months. I am having trouble trying to describe how I feel these days. I think part of me was really wrapped up in all this exhilerating stuff of starting T and coming out to a lot more people....and now I am left with life and all these changes and dealing with family stuff in the backgroud that I have been avoiding.

A lot of body issues lately. Not so much issues...more like awareness, thoughts, ponderings, processing, particually around BDSM. Carrie and I went to our first "play party"/event last weekend. It seemed most people recognized me as her boy and not her boi which felt good. Sometimes I think I "pass" more in non-queer spaces...I find this very interesting.......I'm thinking about how i might want to play in public spaces, what to wear on the bottom...on the top? Flogging through shirts..ect.

I'll do a more detailed 3 month update on Friday night when I get home

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