Passing more...

Evidence I am passing more...being directed to the men's dressing room!!!

Yea!!!

5 Month Update

Sooo...what's happening. Arm hair is what's happening...I've noticed lots of dark hairs wrapping around my arms, even a little on my forarms, where there was none. I also have a lot more hair on my upper legs, a little on my stomach and chest.

My hips have gotten smaller and mr. chubs (my stomach) has defiantely gotten a little bit bigger.

I think people are more and more confused by me. I've noticed most of the time no one uses pronouns.

I've been having more and more back pain from binding. It was so bad on Sunday morning that I ended up not going to the AIDS walk. sigh.





























AND NOW ..............one of our pup Crunchy. She was playing with me while I was talking pictures....

New ZINE!!!!!

The zine is finished!!! Please check it out, we're so very proud of it!

“We make you uncomfortable partly because we’re different, partly because we’re sexual, and partly because we’re not so different.” -Patrick Califia

Announcing a new zine about transgender sexuality and erotic empowerment:
How to Fuck a Tranny

Theory meets erotic fantasy in this activist-driven, in your face, sexually-charged publication, featuring:

Articles
Poetry
Essays
Photography
Erotica

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Or write to us at info@trannyzine.com

The not so happy

I noticed that my struggles with my family have been missing from anything I've written oh here yet.

It's enough to say that they are in denial, choosing denial, preferring denial, I'm told.

I wish I could go through a day without thinking about this pain...right now.

Maybe it won't always be like this?.

self-actualization

Last night I helped out a friend who directed the troupe I was in last summer with a theatre workshop for trans and queer youth at the High Scope retreat house. Mainly to perform a piece I had written as an example of "telling you story" and from someone who is definitely a non actor. I think the workshop went well, I wished I would have been a little less nervous.

The grounds were beautiful, and I'm a bit sad that I couldn't stay for the whole weekend. I meet some great, creative, and intelligent youth and spoke with some of the program staff as well.

After talking to a few people last night it got me thinking about how I often compare myself, my story, my body, my experiences to those of other trans guys...of course using these things as a way to invalidate my own identity, letting all that internalized transphobia rear it's UGLY head.

Last night in a very "queer" space I suddenly found myself to be the more "gender conforming" person there, meaning I think some of the other transfolks there Id'ed as genderqueer noho types, and viewed me in a certain way accordingly. not a bad way....though. nobody asked about pronouns and assumed I was bi, which is pretty damn close. It was bizarre and great at the same time.

But back to the comparison (this constant thing in my head about me not being "real" not being "Trans enough") minus all that comparison, in a fairly safe space I felt that i'm the person that I wanted to be. wanted to be..for so long. like whoa, that's me, this is who I am this is what I'm doing, this is how I'm living. It was a good realization.

It seems the most simple and most complex thing for me was just self-actualization.