Travel writing and eventually...blogging

I've got two little journals and am planning on writing about our travels and hope to upload it here with pics when we get back. I've beem missing writing more and hope this will be the start of more posts.

¡Una semana entera de diversión, el sol y la relajación. hasta luego!

Graphic Novels

***I already posted this as a facebook note a while back, but I know there are some folks that read this and not facebook. Here goes again****

Hey everyone....I'm looking for some good graphic novels

I've never been a fan of comics in the traditional sense so I've always stayed away from graphic novels. Then, last year, I read "Blue Pills: A Positive Love Story" by Frederik Peeters and feel in love with the story and the medium. I consider myself a "wordy" person and find myself very impressed by how much emotion, story, etc. can be told with so few words and a powerful image.

Thus far I've read:

-Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

-Blankets by Craig Thompson *AMAZING*

-Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel

I highly reccomend you check out these great books! And now....does anyone have any graphic novels you would reccomend to me?????

Thanks!!!

The Puppers

Travel

Carrie and I are very excited and looking forward to our Mexico trip (we're leaving in 4 days).

The problem is...I'm a cheap and lazy tranny who has a passport that looks like my (non existant) twin sister.

See, since my name (knoll) has always been part of my legal birth name I've never really been that motivated to spend the money or time for a name change. Plus, I've been trying to keep everything consistant for insurace coverage purposes. I'm also not really a person who cares much about legal validation of my gender...I DO care in the sense of working for and understanding the importance of identity documents...

At least my liscense picture looks like me, currently. Plus I've read up on NCTE's page on travel tips and I seem to be doing all I can.

At this point there's really nothign I can do except hope that everything works out okay. Betwween Carrie's disability stuff and my gender stuff we're almost always searched/held up anyway.

Speaking

It's been a while since I've written anything here. I've been revisiting a lot of older entries for some upcoming speaking engagements. I'm driving over the Central Michigan tomorrow to speak.

I still find it strange that folks want to come talk and tell my personal story. I've very careful in my role for these types of things. I know far too many folks, trans or not, who use the invite of telling their personal story to use it as some strange power trip or personal soap box. I don't think being trans makes me exceptional in anyway... and at the same time I do feel a sense of pride in my identity. I think I can be impactful in others lives by being honest and authentic, telling others how I've accomplished that, and connecting my struggle to others. Basically talking about gender diversity and not making it the Knoll show.

I know..I know..I over analyze everything..but if I didn't..I wouldn't be me!

Birthday Party Fun

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Originally uploaded by jennifermf

For my birthday we went to see the improv fest at Planet Ant in Hamtramck. There were some really good troupes and some..umm.. less funny ones.

I like this picture of Jen, me and Carrie!

Knoll Needs Your Help!

Hi everyone.

I'm walking again this year with TEAM AFFIRMATIONS to support AIDS WALK DETROIT!

My goal is to raise $300 this year. Every little bit from friends, family, work colleagues helps! No gift is too small.

You can make a donation at my MY FUNDRAISING PAGE

All the money TEAM AFFIRMATIONS raises goes directly back to support our HIV/AIDS prevention and education services.

Below are just a few of the things we do:
Free HIV testing 3 times a week (each week)
Free unlimited supplies of safer sex materials (condoms, lube, dental dams, etc.)
Safer Sex workshops for adults and youth
AIDS Memorial Quitl Display and World AIDS Day events

End of the summer...

WOW, it's been over a month since my last update. The summer is flying by.

Carrie and I are househunting again and found a few places we like in Royal Oak and Ferndale. We have a lot of requirements (dog friendly and fenced yard, big bedrooms, some hardwood floors, a patio or porch, 1st floor laundry, idealy in Ferndale) and the list goes on and on.

We've been spening more time with the dogs at local dog parks. I feel like it's good exercie for me and the dogs, gets us out of the house. I mean, since the puppers are our live, we might as well embrace it, right? LOL.

I'm hoping to write more soon here. I miss it!

This week I'm looking forward to my birthday and Obama officially accecpting the party nomination at the convenion! Woot!!!

Memoirs and Writing

I've been missing writing lately. I'm not really much of a writer. Writing things down in this blog...it's really a relaxing thought sorting type of activity for me.

Today I found an article on memoir writing. This is the type of writing that makes sense to me. Telling stories, finding new meaning in old stories. yup. Maybe "memoir" type writing could be helpful for me. I have this "sick" memory...so bad and detailed that it actually is part of my anxiety (that I remember everything and can then ruminate about it for years). Anyway..in hopes of finding something positive with that...I may try some of these suggested prompts.

Begin with two pages: 10 exercises to get you started:
-Write 2 pages of something you can't deny
-write 2 pages of what got left behind
-Write 2 pages of something you wrote or did that you no longer understand
-Write 2 pages of apologizing for something you didn't do
-Write 2 pages about a physical characteristic you are proud to have inherited or passed on
-Write 2 pages of what you had to have
-Write 2 pages of humiliating exposure
-Write 2 pages about a time when you felt compassion unexpectedly
-Write 2 pages of what you have too much of
-Write 2 pages of when you knew you were in trouble

Affirmations Free Community Health Fair

American Cancer Society Day at the Capitol ...with Mom!

My mom has never been very involved in any of my activist endavors. Ever since hearing about my work with the Affirmations tobacco grant and Tobacco Free Michigan she has been wanted to come to some events. I guess it just hits close to home--her dad died of lunch cancer and she hates smoky restaruants and bars.

Anyway..I invited her to the American Cancer Society's Michigan Celebration at the State Capitol on May 13 and she is actually coming.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the lobby day!

Photos from the last 10 years...in no particular order

Since I've been posting more in this blog more these days as well as reflecting on identity in much different ways (since no longer working at an lgbt agency) I thought it would be fitting to post a photo retrospective.

You'll probably be able to tell which are the oldest (LOL) I think it's also amusing to note that I own that exact same blue striped sweater (a "male" version of it). Unfortunately some things never change: i.e. my dorky sense of style.

When I look back at these photos..I think of happy and sad times. Even though my gender presentation isn't the same now...when I see these I think....at the time they were taken, I was, for the most part, expressing my authentic self. At least what I was able to and felt comfortable expressing at the moment. I also see beauty and complexity. It's interesting to think that I felt so uncomfortable with myself for so long, becuase I don't see that pain expressed in these photos...but also, most of that pain and searching is a forgotton memory.

While these photos may make some people in my life uncomfortable, I'm not posting them to shock or amuse anyone...or for some sort of transition comparision. I want you to know that just beucase my past didn't really predict my future, it doesn't mean that I want to erase it. I want you to know that I liked myself then....and I like myself now.

Editorial from the journal Nature (Thomas Beatie)

Editorial----Nature 452, 665-666 (10 April 2008) doi:10.1038/452665b;
Published online 9 April 2008

Defining 'natural'

Visceral reactions to an act should not distract from the real ethical issues.
From an evolutionary perspective, we humans have good reason to be wary of things that seem to be 'unnatural'. Anything out of the ordinary can be dangerous. But the evolutionary origin of that response also guarantees that it will be guided more by emotion than by reason. Witness the reaction last week when Thomas Beatie, from Bend, Oregon, announced his pregnancy on the popular television talk show, Oprah.

Beatie, who was born female (and participated in beauty pageants), underwent hormone treatment and some gender-reassignment surgery ten years ago, but retained his reproductive organs. He stopped taking hormones so that he and his wife, who cannot bear children, could pursue artificial insemination. Several doctors turned them down, but last week, the world watched as a baby-faced man with a thin beard and a growing paunch went for an ultrasound: the fetus was a girl. Oprah Winfrey was supportive as she nursed the nervous Beatie through a discussion of his personal realizations. So was the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. But other reactions were vitriolic, as when MSNBC's Joe Scarborough repeatedly commented that he was "going to be sick". Other such visceral responses were common on message boards and blogs on the Internet, where the situation was often held to be disgusting and unnatural.

And yet, when we consider this story with the reasoning parts of our brains, exactly what was so 'unnatural'? The longing to have a baby? That is a profoundly human desire, whether the prospective parents are male, female or transgendered. Or is it that Beatie has acted on his certainty that he is a man who happened to be born without a Y chromosome? Biologists have found that gender-straddling and gender-switching behaviours are not at all uncommon in the 'natural' world, either for humans or non-human animals (see page 678). True, modern biotechnology has considerably raised the stakes, and is allowing humans to manipulate their biological make-up to an ever-increasing degree. But it hasn't fundamentally changed the game. And its applications, however unsettling they may be to some people, are not, by definition, 'unnatural'.

This same question of 'natural' versus 'unnatural' also emerges this week in a very different context: an online poll that Nature started in January on the use of neuroenhancing drugs (see page 674). Respondents were asked to report on their non-medical use of drugs such as modafinil and methylphenidate to improve their concentration. These drugs can have mild effects, not all that different from caffeine (a natural substance) or other stimulants. But somehow the 'unnaturalness' of these drugs makes some people uneasy in a way that caffeine does not. The claim, repeated in many responses to our survey is that using such drugs, or any performance-enhancing drug, makes accomplishments somehow less worthy because they aren't natural. But again, what is 'natural'? Devices such as glasses, hearing aids, pacemakers and artificial hips are unnatural. Yet they are widely accepted as legitimate ways to enhance the human experience. By the same token, if drugs enhance performance on a standardized test, what is so 'natural' about prep courses designed to improve scores?

Ultimately, our visceral concept of what is 'natural' depends on what we are used to, and will continue to evolve as technology does. But in the meantime, we should not allow it to distract us from the rational consideration of deeper and more important ethical issues. In the case of Beatie and his wife, the elemental questions are the health, safety and emotional security of the child. Trying to decide such issues simply by fixating on a fluid and arbitrary definition is, by nature, silly.

Tranny Fags

One of my non trans gay co-workers alerted me to this article he saw in OUT.

Tranny Fags...in OUT. What is this world coming to. LOL Anyway...he was outraged about the part of the story where one of their profiles kept getting deleted by Adam4Adam.

"The final verdict: “The reason is because your profile says ‘I was born a girl’ and ‘with all my original girly parts,’ and your photos show depicts [sic] female private parts, so based on that our profile approval team concluded that you’re not a man.... Thank you. The Adam4Adam Team.”

Charzette Torrence's opening at Affirmations

At work tonight we had a wonderful gallery opening and panel dialogue.

The artist Charzette Torrence's collection of photographs focus on the lives of African American LGBT folks--and perceptions in the media.

"Charzette Torrence presents Just As We Are - April 4thJust As We Are depicts the lives of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people from all walks of life in 30 black and white portraits. A meet the artist reception takes place at 6:30pm, followed by a panel discussion - Our Gay Image in the Media - hosted by Johnny Jenkins of Arcus Foundation, beginning at 7:30pm. Panelists include Dr. Kofi Adoma, Nkosi Figueroa, Madisun Leigh, Terri Leverette, Curtis Lipscomb, Charles Pugh, Jaye Spiro, leslie Thompson and Andrea Wilson.

The photographs are a response to the way LGBT people are represented in mainstream media. Just As We Are has been touring the country to re-frame the way LGBT people are seen, and the way we see ourselves. The exhibit will remain at Affirmations until early May."

For more info: http://www.goaffirmations.org/site/PageServer?pagename=resources_artgallery

Chalk myths...

Tonight I heard of some younger transwomen who were found eating chalk beucase they heard it can "raise your voice". I've never heard this myth and wonder if anyone else has. I did a little research and found this on chalk, but nothing so far to explain why they would have thoght that.

"Chalk is made from calcium carbonate. It is what many manufacturers use to make calcium supplements. Since it is from rock that is not a living source and is very bad for you to consume. It can cause kidney stones and does, in many people that take calcium tablets in excess where this rock mineral is used. The body's bone content of calcium is only made up of about 10% of this type of calcium and when people take this type of supplement, think it's good for them, they end up doing more harm than good. The body looks at this as toxic and if it gets absorbed, the liver deals with it mostly as a toxin rather than a nutrient."

I'm perplexed and concerned, expically if other folks are, uhh, biting into this myth!

Big Bash 2008 Part 2

For the rest of the photos feel free to visit my Picasa site--lots more photos.

Big Bash part 1

The last 24 hours have been zany due to Big Bash, Affirmations annual fundraising dinner happening tonight. As special events manager it is Carrie's job to coordinator the event and my job as her partner to be her errand boy and personal assistant, most of which I like to do. :-) I can't believe 530-550 people will be coming tonight. I'm so proud of her and all her hard work. I'll be posting lots of pictures later. It will all be worth it...but..whew, I'm tired and the event hasn't even started.

PS. There are SOME perks. We got to stay in a suite yesterday and today at the MGM Grand. It's amazing and luxurious and bigger than our actual house, seriously! LOL.

People of Color and the Fat Acceptance Movement

On one of the fat activist listservs I'm on someone emailed out the link to this very interesting article/blog post.

A Different Kind of Fat Rant: People of Color and the Fat Acceptance Movement

She makes some excellent and interesting points on why the fat acceptacne movement doesn't speak to people of color.

Affirmations Community Center Smoke Free Public Service Announcement

For Affirmations Tobacco Grant and our Youth Program's Oakland County Substance Abuse grant Laura and I decided to create a video for The Campaign for Smokefree Air's video challenge. The peer outreach team of youth, Laura, me, and a film student volunteer named Brandon worked on this PSA. Finally Ciggy Buttz gets some use!

If our video is picked as one of the top 5 (we'll know after march 31st) it will go to a vote on their website. We're pretty excited and hope that we make it. I'll be sending out updates here. :)

Anyway...Here is the link to the video